life?

I had failed up my scholarship interview
not successful
why?
because i didnt present well
i present with my poor english
and didnt give the right answer what they want
feels like wanna cry
but no tears
burden of tuition fees
it's not my burden
but my father
I had give him a big finance burden
now my feeling just like
"我的心情很复杂，
好像杂饭那么杂！"
I should look for a part time job
but i'm scare i will be very tiring
and cant follow up my study
so confusing
what to do?
i can do nothing
study hard is my job
but when the finance problem appear in my mind
i'm feeling to jump into a river
dont worry
i wont die in the river
cz i know how to swim
and ECA
"Extra Curriculum"
i feels like wanted to join
but how i go for their activities if no transport?
take bus will make me crazy
you all also know
rapid KL "throw bitch" only
sometimes waiting for bus also will make a normal person become crazy
it is such a big problem
result good in SPM
just can make me happy for a while
make my parents proud of me
proof that i can study
so sorry
now
for me
SPM result good also need to die
for you
maybe i'm the best among you all
for me
i'm just a very normal people
for society
i'm just a pretty good person among weak
for world
i'm just a small sand
so please
dont even feel that you are the best
you are lucky in this moment
but the you will not even know that what will happen in the next moment
be modest=)
I should be more happy
not to let myself down
even i had paid a high tuition fees
but i hope that i will not disappointed with it
and of course
i should work hard too
besides
play hard too
this is just the way to reduce some of the pressure that i faced
for you too
everyone should choose to live with full of love and happiness
just forget bout it=)